Day 150 – Time to recalibrate.

I drank. A few times. It wasn’t the best. It wasn’t the worst. I didn’t black out, so that’s a major plus. I did it for all the ‘right’ reasons – social connection and parties.

However, there has been something at the forefront of my mind for a few weeks now, as I navigate my life trying to be the best me that I can be…

I remember a job where I had two bosses. Both very different in their management styles. One of them said I was aggressive, and the other said I was a people pleaser. After a lot of trial and error, I found out that the best way to appease them both was to just stop caring about the task at hand.

But it turns out that suppressing huge parts of your personality is not that great for your mental health, or the soul. Sometimes you might just be too helpful, or too boisterous for peoples tastes, and that’s ok.

My issue is that I bought in to it. I went to the Dr’s, and I got a prescription, and now I am paying to feel myself get number and dumber. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with medication, it is better than the alternative at the time, but I’ve moved on, and I don’t want it anymore.

I want to care again.

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