“Nothing is original, but authenticity matters.”
I’m Rachel, a Scottish gal that has been living in Australia for about 6 years now. I live with my wonderful partner, I am surrounded by a handful of incredibly supportive friends, and I have a little bit of a binge drinking problem.
I would like to say that this is a new problem, but it isn’t. I have binged for the majority of my adult life. Coming from the UK, where drinking is a national pastime, I had always been proud of the amount I could knock back, and the ridiculous situations that I have ended up in. However, along the way, I have damaged friendships, relationships, and my own mental health.
More recently I have been experiencing frequent blackouts, 3 day hangovers and a persistent feeling of shame. Perhaps I should have heeded that big red warning on the anti-depressant box that says “avoid alcohol consumption” – but what is life without a little self sabotage.
I am incredibly lucky that I have access to a multitude of resources to assist me on my journey, and it is a recent trip to the DR’s that has spurred this decision to cut out alcohol for at least 3 months. I need to get my physical, and mental health back under some sort of control, and this feels like the right first step. This is Day 11.
I am unsure what I wish to achieve at this time, in the grand scheme of life, however I do know that I wish to return to being the fun loving, generally happy, woman that actually does the things that she loves. It sounds a lot better than being full of fear, and self-loathing in Brisbane.
Maybe I’m writing for accountability, catharsis, or to connect with others in a similar situation. If my ridiculousness helps at least 1 person, I’ll be as happy as a clam. I am so much more than this situation that I have found myself facing right now.
This is me reminding myself that there is more to life than numbing with alcohol. I’m not saying that I’ll never have another alcoholic beverage, but right now I cannot say that I will.
Thanks for reading!